anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
