I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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