Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
You have to summon your inner elephant
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
