I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
even my farts smell like vagina
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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