This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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