I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
