A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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