So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Randomize
