we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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