when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
