he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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