dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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