Christians are straight up FREAKS
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
