Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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