you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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