ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
