dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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