we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
