in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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