We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
