i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
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How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
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She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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