i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
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