Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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