If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
