i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
