He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
