We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
