You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
