I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
