need another drink. this is the easiest way
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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