genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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