And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
