I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
