I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
