Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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