i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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