At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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