she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
