if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
