God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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