So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
