I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
