Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
