Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
