tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
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The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
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This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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