I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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