benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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