WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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