I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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