True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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