hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
