Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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