just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
