D3 body, D1 cock
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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