thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
