I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
