areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
