i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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