1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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