I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
