The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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