Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
