dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
