well you can't waste a boner
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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