I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
