No stitches, just platelets and will power
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
