I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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