I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
