Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
