ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
