Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
