like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
