I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
