I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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