I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
