Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
