Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
