my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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