I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
